Thursday, August 16, 2007

Burrito De La Madre Del Dios (part 2)

Ehem. Let me begin by apologizing for my previous post, which, while unquestionably justified, was perhaps out of line with the spirit of the blog. Without further ado, here are the ingredients: You're looking for Texas Ranch Style beans in the black can with a picture of beans on the front. It's pivotal that you have the right beans as they are the corner stone of the burrito. The other ingredients are: Tortillas, Pace Salsa (medium), Swiss Cheese, and some kind of meat or meat substitute of your choice. When the burrito began I used Polska Kielbasa, but when I became a vegetarian I started using tofudogs. I now use fakin' bacon, but it's up to you. What you do is you take out that tortilla and lay it on a plate see? Then you open up that can of beans I was telling you about, and you scoop out precisely half of the can and put them beans right there on top of the tortilla. Then you kind of pick up two opposing ends of the tortilla and rock it back and forth so that you get a nice row of beans lined up all nice like a great wall dividing east from west tortilla. Oh I forgot that you can also use some rice if you want. If you're gonna use rice then you should cook some up and then line it up on top of the beans you know what I mean? So it's like every ingredient you put on is just building up the great wall higher and higher. Ok. So you put some rice on there maybe, but not too much, just enough to cover the beans, and then you put the salsa on top of that. You want to add a good deal of salsa on there. You'll thank me for it later, I promise! At this point there's not a lot of heat going on inside this burrito so I pick up the plate and stick it inside a toaster oven. Now if your toaster oven is like mine, the plate is not going to fit all the way in, so you just kind of shove it in there as far as it will go and leave the door open. Then you put it on broil, that way it's only heating up the top of the burrito and not getting your plate too hot. Alright, so it's kind of warmed up now, so you take it out and put you're fakin bacon in the toaster oven for a few minutes, and then line them up on the burrito wall. Then you put your swiss cheese on. A word about swiss cheese: I like to get the presliced square kind. That way, you just fold it over and you have two rectangular pieces that line up perfectly on the burrito wall! So now that you got that cheese on there, you're going to want to stick it in the old toaster oven again. Once that cheese is melted, you take the plate out and fold the burrito over the great burrito wall and place another two rectangles of cheese on top to secure it. Then what? Well, you stick it in the toaster oven again and wait for that cheese to melt. At this point the cheese is going to melt pretty quickly. Do you know why? Because as the burrito gets higher and higher, it gets closer to the little heat rod things in the toaster oven! Ok, so now the cheese is melted and you take it out and you look at it and you ask yourself does this look like a really awesome burrito? And if the answer is 'Yes, it does look like a fucking awesome ass burrito', then you eat it. And that's it.

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